As you know, I started my meds for my DE cycle a while ago. Nothing to report because it’s boring, remembering to take the BCP (wow, how easy is it to forget to take it!) and Lupron injections. Today I had my baseline u/s and bloods. I had a very interesting discussion with the u/s tech, who used to work at a fertility clinic.

People are always interested in why you would choose to use a donor. It’s probably inconceivable to some women as it certainly was to me at one time. But she saw that I had a lot of follicles (and over the years all my ovarian reserve tests have come back totally great) so she was wondering out loud why I could not have my own child. I told her plainly that I didn’t know and neither did the doctors. She asked me whether I had a laparoscopy and I told her that I had not. I don’t really know why that never came up. She mentioned that the doctor she worked for would always perform one if the first IVF did not work. I am not sure what the protocol is these days… obviously neither of my fertility specialists felt it was necessary even though it was bandied about as a possibility after the second IVF attempt. However, when bypassing all sorts of potential problems and going straight to IVF it seems that a laparoscopy may not be helpful. In any case, the tech seemed to think that perhaps I should have tried harder or at least that is my interpretation of her comments. When I told her I’d attempted IVF three times, she felt that was not a lot. I’m always surprised by what people say. She was in the industry so maybe it seemed a poor attempt on my part. I fully realize that many women attempt four to seven times. But it’s not for me. At the last attempt I had a hard time even going into the clinic — it repulsed me quite literally. After all, I wanted to have a child the easiest way possible and now I have given up having my genetic child to have a child. In my mind, that is just fine.

If any one of us had the answer — if there was a magic number — to how many times we have to try IVF before achieving conception, I am sure it would be broadcast broadly within the IVF community. Clearly those of us that have walked down this path know very well that what works for one person does not work for another. We all hear and see the anomalies; and some of us simply fall into the statistical category of unexplained infertility. We have to accept it and go on with our life. Maybe some of us choose to use a donor. Some of us choose to adopt. Some will choose to change their expectations and live life without children. All are very difficult choices.

I have not yet scheduled a consult with the staff psychologist to discuss how to handle people’s reactions when they learn about our choice. Within this cocoon of IVF and DE community it’s nice and cozy. Everyone is so supportive. But out there in the cold wide world, I think we will encounter varying reactions and many people will surely have questions. On my part, I am sure that there will be days when I’ll be eager to talk about it and other days that I feel the opposite. I do think I need to be armed with tools to help myself deal with this but I have not yet ventured into that conversation. Perhaps it’s just a wee bit early; after all, we’ll see if this works first. I think today was my first ‘taste’ of what’s to come.