Dealing with Privacy

November 25, 2009

Today I started to catch up with all the people in our support network whom we had told about the DE. My intention is to ask them to respect our privacy and the privacy of any child we may have. Of course, I don’t just come out and say it like that! They’ve been there for me through the harrowing decision-making and have assuaged all my doubts and fears. So they deserve a full update of the situation and besides, I’m genuinely interested in keeping them up-to-date. But what a tangled web we weave, to use an old cliche! Somehow when you start thinking about it, then considering it, then trying it on for size, you realize how many people you want to discuss it with. Then there is their spouse… and are we dinner table conversation too? And all this before telling our families. It is very important to lock the gates and make sure that everyone knows you appreciate them immensely but also that they remain discreet.

We did not tell our parents because even though they mean well, they are very concerned. When we informed them about a regular IVF cycle, I remember having to eventually explain to them to stop calling every other day with a plaintive, expectant,  What’s new? It drove me nuts and the pressure was too great. First, to deal with your own disappointment is bad enough but to have theirs on your shoulders is just too much. If this process doesn’t work, I’m sure my friends-only support network will offer the usual platitudes and I’m used to those, but it’s not as disappointing for them as it is to potential grandparents, aunts, and uncles. As it stands, the family will know if this works and even then, not everyone will know about the DE. I know we’ll have to be strong to deal with pressure from parents that think we should tell this relative or that, but I’ll take my chances and guard my child’s privacy. Sometimes you think that all this is in the future so why think about it now, but I’ve found that it’s better to have a plan and be prepared. I wonder how other people handle this kind of additional pressure on top of having to go through all this?