It’s ten months since we started TTC and things are progressing albeit slowly. I think I’m actually with the program now! The husband jokes that for someone that likes change, this is one change I clearly have not wanted. Yep, it’s taken me quite a while to get comfy with the idea of being a mommy. TTC every month is just a matter of fact now; instead of being freaked out at the consequences of pregnancy I am calm. The workouts have helped immensely; besides the endorphin boost, I feel like I’m being proactive. It’s so important for me to know I can control something.

The other thing is that I am starting to notice kidlets everywhere and I see that people manage somehow. I’ve also seen the husband with our friends’ kids and he has such a good time. They adore him. I still do not like other people’s children. Don’t you love it when parents say, When they’re you’re own, it’s different. Actually, not so much apparently. According to G- you do have an innate irrational love for your kids but that doesn’t change the fact that when they are being monstrous little devils, you can have second thoughts! And G- is a real bona-fide mommy. So you see, I have not been worrying about parenthood in vain.

The other way I know I’m with the program is dinner conversations with friends have changed. A few months ago I lost my appetite talking about this and believe me, I am still horrified at times. But here’s an example.

We’re having dinner with same couple from last December and they want to know how it’s going. It’s obvious we’re not yet expecting a little bundle of joy. So they think we need more pointers:

  • Every TTC couple needs a thermometer. The mommy-to-be takes her temperature every morning at exactly the same time and records it in a chart. after about 4 months you’ll get the hang of your ovulatory cycle. Apparently when the temperature is at a certain point you’d better book off some time for TTC sex or you’ll miss your two-day window.

I raise an eyebrow and look at the friend’s wife. She’s a busy lawyer. “Do you have time for this?”

“God, no!” she says. “But some people have sworn by it.”

I know it’s not going to work for me, because I don’t have the time or inclination to do it!

  • Get a pregnancy book; apparently these also come with thermometers and charts and advice — whose advice, I’d like to know?

You know it’s an industry when there are baby-planning books in pink and blue binding at the local book shop. Argh. Are they more informative than the baby boards online? If they’re written by anyone like my doctors then they haven’t got a clue. Besides, why does everyone take such a happy tone in these types of things?

  • Ovulation predictor kits take the guesswork out of the temperature method and they are quite expensive unless you can get them in bulk. I can imagine the mail carrier’s smirk. Although peeing on a stick beats a thermometer.

All this I can handle but here’s the one that makes me choke on my food:

  • Egg whites are your new best friend. If you are beat from trying and just can’t get excited anymore, egg whites are a similar consistency to mucous. Unlike other gels, egg whites won’t hurt hubby’s swimmers.

I guess we haven’t arrived at the point where sex is awful. Wait — this means there actually is such a point. I cannot believe they’re telling us this and secretly hope that  we never have to resort to it otherwise I’ll never eat eggs again.

Oh, dinner table conversation: so honest, so appalling.