It’s real: consents are signed

September 29, 2009

We received my drug protocol the other day and last night we both signed the consents. They’re on their way back to the clinic. It’s getting more real every day. Nervous nervous nervous.

Oh, and my period is late. Okay, not a whole lot late, like weeks, but a little late. We know that a few days doesn’t count, because they just don’t cut it, do they? We know that it’s a trick of nature or of our aging bodies or just plain wishful thinking. There is that little ping of hope that maybe, just maybe, from the good graces of the universe, we can defy all logic, all reality, all past experience, and be able to conceive naturally.

What do you do about hope? Should you hope? Should you give in to the negativity? Should you try to remain neutral? Can you truly be neutral? I’ve rarely been able to distract myself so much that I forget about it entirely. Some people believe in prayer and there have been studies that show people in tough circumstances have managed to survive due to prayer. But this is not a question of survival, it’s a question of how to emotionally approach this time of month and this circumstance. How do you frame your thinking about something that is out of your control?

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